Reinstated

Just the invitation that could lead
to a conversation where we
would actually speak! was almost too much
for me to take,
my heart beat its way up into my mouth
and stayed there the whole hour
that we laughed with each other.
I had to talk around it
as if I had bitten off more than I could chew
and was chewing with my mouth open
to you. Really, the truth is that
my heart is what was open to you, and
the sound of your laughter and
the way you sigh during small pauses while
you’re searching for something to say.
Sometimes your words would boost me up inside,
and I felt more bright for them.
So all of you came rushing in,
and I’m almost sad to say that I bit down
on the whole she-bang, hook line and sinker.
Is it bad that I let you in again?
I can’t bring myself to care.
Go ahead, here’s your old office-
it’s not like anyone else was going to work there.






For someone who left, but has come back.
The way things were before everything.

Nautical

I held you to my ear hoping
to hear a heartbeat but I only
heard the ocean
I try to sleep but can only lie awake
haunted by the roaring sound of your waves
breaking against my semi-solid shores
sucking at the sand beneath my feet because
I offered you my love
but you didn’t want it anymore





Aurgh.
Why is it that warm emotions are harder for me to convey?

Similar

Whole body tremors, chest tight, can’t breathe,
eyes squeezed shut, teeth bared, tears burn.
You make me laugh so hard
that it feels a little bit like dying.
It’s the best feeling you could give me,
and I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.









I love those moments.
I need to start writing things a bit more chipper.

Emptiness

Emptiness, deceptive and mean-spirited, steals
memory so that I forget
what was it that I was longing for?
And oh the longing,
emptiness reminds me of it with
a nasty self-pleased sneer saying,
You don’t have it, you don’t have it,
it’s gone and you want it
back. What, whom, where, when?
I cannot recall the thing or place or friend
that I am vacant of, but I can feel the
weight and shape of its loss
inside of me. What a tragedy!







I really, really, REALLY want sushi.

Affect

“Hey.”
My heart stops & skips a beat.
My knees shouldn’t be this weak!
My will of iron turns
to easily malleable gold.
Where is the determination
I felt so strongly a moment ago?

“What’s up?”
Oh shut up, shut up shuttup!
I can’t seem to get enough
of the way your voice sounds,
so stop talking and maybe
I’ll be alright. You still affect me, but
I’ll never let you know.






Here's to getting over people.

Ignore

Cold nights are like reminders,
bits of string tied around my fingers,
bows caught on the edges of my mind. Thoughts and feelings,
conversations and dreams- things I’d almost left behind.
These blankets and covers could never disguise
the feeling of longing that I’m ignoring inside.
I’ve shut my eyes tight, but your smile still shines
on the back of my eyelids. Don’t worry,
this doesn’t mean that you’ve gotten to me-
as long as I don’t want to face it,
then there’s nothing waiting to be seen.







This is and example of the ostrich's method of living.
It doesn't work.

Moon

I love your smooth loveliness, your full
and sensuous curves that glow
silver and white. You are the precious jewel
of the evening, you make everything in my life
softer and farther away. Shed your light on me,
and I will never cease to fill my eyes with your
distant form. Poised with perfect mystery and allure,
you lounge on a throne. Even when you disappear,
you’ll never let me stay alone.







I love the moon.

We,

I, like a small bird,
a freckle on the face
of the atmosphere.
You, like a sleek feral cat,
a curve of heat focused
on [your own] survival.
We, like polar opposites
and doppelgängers, were
never meant to meet. So
twist those telephone lines
around us dear,
we will never be closer
than where we are now.







From this, we can infer that I fail at a lot of other things besides communication.
♥

Insert

Like a cut and pasted
journal page, blank
and ready, I wait, so please
[insert emotion here]









Sorry I haven't posted in so long.
I'll get on that.

History

History! A crowd of wizened hands all
reaching out for me, clamoring to share
their own life stories. Each one has a call
so unique, I'm bound to find a voice there
that I enjoy, as well as one that I
will loathe (like ignorant brutality!)
Exploration of cultures beyond my
reach, words so vivid I can almost see
it all- that's what I love! Those hands still reach
for all of us, full of lessons to teach.






For history.
This isn't geeky at all, since I love science & English much more than history.

Choke

_{words curl up in my lungs, I try to breathe them free but they refuse to come. the heavy smoke of not knowing what to say- I choke, I choke! vowels and consonants stick on the roof of my mouth, they cling to my tongue and won’t come out. all I can see is someone I love walking away, but I guess it’s okay. what on earth would I say?}







Gaaaaah it's so awkward for me to talk to people when all I can think of is absolutely NOTHING HELPFUL. Sometimes, being an extrovert sounds nice.

Wings

_{Concentrate, relax, remember to breathe.
If I do these things, sometimes I
can force myself to imagine the feelings of wings.
The flex and pull of muscles,
a gentle weight,
the color of light filtered through feathers;
they become part of me.
What a glorious thing it would be,
don’t you think?}







I would love to have wings. I'd adore it.

Naive

_{I looked at him, he looked at me-
but nothing happened (don’t be naïve)!
This isn’t a dream or a movie
where the girl gets the guy.
This is real life, so we
said goodnight and goodbye.}





Aaaaauuuurrrgh.
I have a whole bunch of poems started, but I can't think of endings for them. And most of them are better than this one...

Air

_{She’s got a heart of solid
silver-coated air.
Not gold, still nice, but
not much else there.}







You know! That person that isn't really mean & might even be nice, but they just seem kinda empty?
Yeah, that one.

Elegance

_{Elegance can be achieved
simply by taking normality
and stretching it out.
Confident in clean lines,
it subtly leans towards the sky
and whisper-shouts,
“Hello, darling.
Lovely to see you again.”}







It's very difficult to be elegant when you're short & squishy, but I'll manage it someday.

Library

_{Comfort lies waiting for me in neat columns and rows,
stacks and aisles all coded and ready to go.
Such tranquility the library offers,
gently bending my spine
into a curve of concentration, intent
upon someplace other than mine.}







I admit it- I love books.
Always have, always will.

Animalistic

_{I sleep sometimes the way I imagine that animals must sleep-
aware only of darkness and passing body heat
(friend or enemy? danger or safety?)
Other times I dream in a vibrant arrangement
of colors- yellow, green, red, blue.
Last night, however, I dreamt of you.
My secret?
I didn’t want to.}






I used to want to dream about him, but I never did. Now I don't want to dream about him, & I do.
Life is so contrary, sometimes.

Tightly

_{My ribs are stretching out, like
a flower blooming except
more painful than beautiful.
I think maybe they need to
be restrained, but I can’t hold
myself tightly enough. Could
you wrap your arms around me?
I’m sure it would work, just be
sure to never let me go.}






Another semi-structured poem. 9 lines, 7 syllables per line.
I haven't written anything for Halloween! Oh well.
I don't know what to call this...
"Straining to be Restrained"?

Genius

_{“I know why the leaves fall,” she said,
barely audible above the porch swing’s squeak.
When she didn’t continue, I
asked, “Why?” and she smiled.
“They are in love.”
Still smiling, she sipped
from the aged mug that she gripped
with pinkish white hands, and
continued to say nothing again.
“With whom?” I finally demanded.
“How should I know?” she replied,
“I only know why.”}








Imaginary conversation, stemming from me trying to think "outside of the box".
It's a pretty big box...

Control

_{Sometimes, faith
is like clinging to someone's sleeve
and being led through the dark,
whispering, "I'm scared."
Other times it's like a spotlight
shining on a serious wound
that you didn't know you had.
"Where did I get that?" you'd ask,
"And can it be healed?"
Right now (for me, personally),
faith is my life jacket
tied to a boat.
It's the only thing keeping me up, but
I'm not the one driving, so
I have no idea where I'm going to go.
As long as I believe, though,
it's enough for me
to just be able to breathe
and let God be in control.}







This stemmed from me having NO IDEA where I'm going with my life.