Subaudible

I have found a tranquil sea
when I am in chaos- easy
to find, lovely to welcome
the peace it brings.
When a room is quiet, and
the air conditioning shuts off-
the disorienting
sense of super-silence,
like being buried in the snow.
When you sit on the front porch
and see that the hush of
early morning is quite alive:
crickets, birds, wind,
early commuters. Drink it in,
this busy stillness.
Beneath everything, there is
a quieter place- and I
have found one in me.








This might get fixed later? Ugh. I don't really know how to put it together. Anyways!
Story that brought this on-
At work one night, a few of my coworkers were talking about weed. "Do you smoke weed?" one of them asked me. I told them that I didn't, and they looked at me strangely. "Have you ever smoked weed?" Once again, I replied in the negative, and he stared harder. After I asked him why it seemed so strange, he replied, "Well, you just sort of seem the type. I mean! Not like that, but... Well, calm and... centered! Or something."
Then he got teased a little bit by everyone else, but he kind of got me thinking. It's funny that he thought that I was high most of the time, but I've always had this space of calmness inside of me.
Just something interesting to me.

Soooo

Silence is sometimes a terrible state of being,
probably invented to torture me
and anyone else who over-analyzes things.
Is it comfortable, or awkward?
The question poses a difficulty
in the absence of speech,
filled by heavy breaths and heartbeats.
I reposition myself unsteadily
and ache to fill something,
even if I don't know
quite what it is.
"Soooo...?"






I do that a lot. Even if the silence isn't very long- if I don't want it to be quiet, I start my sentences with "SOOOOOOOO..." as if I'm highlighting the fact that there was an awkward silence happening or about to happen. I really hate it.