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Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Just the invitation that could lead
to a conversation where we
would actually speak! was almost too much
for me to take,
my heart beat its way up into my mouth
and stayed there the whole hour
that we laughed with each other.
I had to talk around it
as if I had bitten off more than I could chew
and was chewing with my mouth open
to you. Really, the truth is that
my heart is what was open to you, and
the sound of your laughter and
the way you sigh during small pauses while
you’re searching for something to say.
Sometimes your words would boost me up inside,
and I felt more bright for them.
So all of you came rushing in,
and I’m almost sad to say that I bit down
on the whole she-bang, hook line and sinker.
Is it bad that I let you in again?
I can’t bring myself to care.
Go ahead, here’s your old office-
it’s not like anyone else was going to work there.

For someone who left, but has come back.
The way things were before everything.

Monday, January 18, 2010


I held you to my ear hoping
to hear a heartbeat but I only
heard the ocean
I try to sleep but can only lie awake
haunted by the roaring sound of your waves
breaking against my semi-solid shores
sucking at the sand beneath my feet because
I offered you my love
but you didn’t want it anymore

Why is it that warm emotions are harder for me to convey?

Friday, January 8, 2010


Whole body tremors, chest tight, can’t breathe,
eyes squeezed shut, teeth bared, tears burn.
You make me laugh so hard
that it feels a little bit like dying.
It’s the best feeling you could give me,
and I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.

I love those moments.
I need to start writing things a bit more chipper.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Emptiness, deceptive and mean-spirited, steals
memory so that I forget
what was it that I was longing for?
And oh the longing,
emptiness reminds me of it with
a nasty self-pleased sneer saying,
You don’t have it, you don’t have it,
it’s gone and you want it
back. What, whom, where, when?
I cannot recall the thing or place or friend
that I am vacant of, but I can feel the
weight and shape of its loss
inside of me. What a tragedy!

I really, really, REALLY want sushi.

Monday, January 4, 2010


My heart stops & skips a beat.
My knees shouldn’t be this weak!
My will of iron turns
to easily malleable gold.
Where is the determination
I felt so strongly a moment ago?

“What’s up?”
Oh shut up, shut up shuttup!
I can’t seem to get enough
of the way your voice sounds,
so stop talking and maybe
I’ll be alright. You still affect me, but
I’ll never let you know.

Here's to getting over people.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Cold nights are like reminders,
bits of string tied around my fingers,
bows caught on the edges of my mind. Thoughts and feelings,
conversations and dreams- things I’d almost left behind.
These blankets and covers could never disguise
the feeling of longing that I’m ignoring inside.
I’ve shut my eyes tight, but your smile still shines
on the back of my eyelids. Don’t worry,
this doesn’t mean that you’ve gotten to me-
as long as I don’t want to face it,
then there’s nothing waiting to be seen.

This is and example of the ostrich's method of living.
It doesn't work.