Accepts

love accepts leaving, lets the tide slide
off of the shore with some gentle elaborations of old
advice, “sssshhhhhhh, things will be alright.” but instead
of uplifting, support, or assistance- there is bitterness,
words of doubt and anger stinging as strongly as salt
in an open wound, fighting against a child that's grown. and
they wonder why I am so eager to leave home.







Just me venting a bit, nothing new.
Goodness knows I love my family dearly, but it would be nice if they could get their act together and help me a bit.

Inappropriate

the friend’s roomate’s grandfather, now dead-
my brows meet, horrified-
can’t help the hysterical giggle, trying to
force it down (down stay down!) but no use-
no idea what he makes of it, I
offer condolences and cookies and
hope that it is enough to cover
a multitude of sins.








It has come to my attention recently, that I have begun to laugh/ giggle at the most inappropriate times. I guess it's a reflex for uncomfortable situations- I laugh when I'm scared, when I don't know what to say, when I think something awful...
I have terrible reflex-actions, don't I?

Ex

the rigid smiled forced, photographed, sorry to
have taken it as I scroll through
the pictures later. almost visible the effort,
orange signs warning of construction, the paint
just barely dried, your pride so close
to disrepair. I force myself not to care, fighting
the urge to straighten your shirt,
tangling my fingers in new hands and seeking support
from a new tower; though neither
tower nor support you ever were
to me, and I still don’t know
what I was to you. no anger,
no regret, no bitter hastily proclaimed
wishes that I could forget you
forever (you are still too dear, I acknowledge, for that);
only pity, on both our parts, for
something that I will never fully understand.








I can't help but laugh a little bit inside.
I think I handled the meeting pretty well, actually.

Deja Vu

deja vu is the feeling when jeans are choking
your hips but fit perfectly
around your legs; being in a dream
and just knowing something
without having to know where
the knowledge came from; simultaneously being
trapped in a cage
and being outside of that cage, holding
the key and swallowing it whole so
that neither of you will ever escape;
trying not to love someone, trying to forget
them with so much of your will that
you give up a part of your heart
in the process; uncomfortable, slightly
unpleasant, but worn in and familiar. deja vu
is the feeling when jeans are
choking
your
hips






I'm counting "deja vu" as one word, just for the sake of this thing.
It flows more like prose to me, but I cut it up for some reason that I forget at the moment.
Oh well.

Feathers

the wind pressing between my fingers, pulling
like someone eager to show me something
beautiful, makes me wish they were feathers
and i would be riding the thermals, nearer
to the clouds and
to the sun
and God.






walking down the sidewalk on a windy day, just nonchalantly open your hands and spread out your fingers- feels amazing.

Same

"it's because we're always
on the same page," she explained,
smiling. "hell, we probably
come from the same book." i
didn't know what i could add to
make it more true,
so i agreed with the statement while
a part of me inside
screamed, "thank you, thank you, thank you."






I love it when people say things that seem so powerful to me, and they don't even realize it. It makes it more special.